Why You Are Not A Sex Addict


Approximately 70% of men watch porn regularly. Of those, many regularly engage in other forms of deviant sexual activities.

Dr. Patrick Carnes warns that watching porn is the gateway to acting out in real life scenarios in increasingly risky, expanded, and compulsive sexual behaviors.

At some point, it seems like the behavior is just too hard to stop, even though resolutions are regularly promised, the threat of being found out is becoming more probable, and quality of life is severely diminished.

Doesn’t that mean sex addiction?

Just because sexual behavior has become unmanageable and out-of-control, it doesn’t mean that you are afflicted with a disease called “sexual addiction”, from which you will never find freedom. 

Implications Of Addict

The problem with the terms “addict” and “addiction” is not about the technical accuracy of the terms; it is about belief and identity. 

“Addict” implies a weak, diminished identity, while “addiction” connotes an incurable disease. Admittedly, these terms have some value when dealing with denial or motivation to get help.  An addiction is behavior that has become compulsive due to the choices we have made to use our “drug of choice” to find comfort, peace, excitement, or pleasure. 

When it comes to labeling someone a Sex Addict, it is more helpful for long-term wellness and wellbeing to speak and to think in terms that are empowering and hope-filled. 

Consider this statement:  “I am designed for a life of love, connection, power, and freedom. I can get well.” 

Compare that statement with this one:  “I am an addict.  I will be this way for life.” 

Which of those statements gives power and hope? True freedom is abstaining from unhealthy, destructive, and harmful sexual behavior, but more importantly, to experience wellness in every area of life. 

Compulsive deviant sexual behavior (sex addiction) is rooted in many factors, encompassing every sphere of your life — emotional, mental, physical, relational, and spiritual.

Therefore, the goal of a helpful treatment model is to get to the roots of the sexual problem, not just curtail the sexual behavioral symptoms.  Moreover, enjoying healthy sexuality requires a healthy, whole, you.

The Medical Model

The Medical Model of treatment is founded upon a disease based belief system.  Certainly, there are many valuable tools and insights available within the Medical Model, but no matter how long you are free from the behavioral symptoms, you will never be considered free from the disease — You are an Addict for life.

The Medical Model promotes the theory that addicts are predetermined to have a deviant, detrimental, sexually compulsive problem.

The reality is that you chose your sexual behavior, and you can choose to get free. 

You can get well. As you deal with the roots of your sex addiction, you can enjoy wellness in every sphere of your life — emotionally, mentally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.

The Wellness Model

The Wellness Model of treatment is a holistic approach to becoming free of detrimental, compulsive sexual behavior. 

True freedom from porn and sex addiction must include the emotional, mental, physical, relational, social, and spiritual spheres of life into the healing, wholeness, and wellness process. 

Certainly, any kind of deviant, detrimental, compulsive behavior ultimately leads to Dis-Ease — a lack of wellbeing. Experiencing Dis-Ease in your life, however, doesn’t mean that you have a disease. 

Dis-Ease comes when we are out of alignment in any sphere of our life. 

Wellbeing is achieved as we experience healing, wholeness, and health in each sphere.

You are not an Addict — You have a compulsive behavioral problem that needs correction. 

The Wellness Model’s primary focus is that your sexual problem is not who you are, and that you can intentionally change the course of your life through an intentional plan. 

Needless to say, you will most likely need help in making the necessary changes. 

Our goal at FreedomU is to give you tools, strategies, and support that empower you to make healthy choices, and give you a vision for a future of freedom and wellness.

If this blog has helped you in some way, we would like to hear from you.  Feel free to share it with anyone else who may need some insight into this important topic


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