Do I Really Need Help For Sexual Addiction?


It was many years ago, but I can still remember the events as though it was yesterday.  I had just graduated with my M.A. degree in Leadership Studies, and was still driving a college car. Well, as college cars do, the engine seized when all of the oil leaked out while driving. 

I had three choices:  Scrap the car and walk, purchase a worse car with a tired engine, or replace the engine.

I came up with a brilliant idea…or so I thought.

I decided that I could save a lot of money by replacing the engine on my own.  I mean, how hard could it be?  Just follow the instructions in the manual that I purchased for 10 bucks.

Did I say I had a Master’s Degree?

So, I set out taking off each part that connected the engine to the frame.  I had no idea there were so many wires, hoses, brackets, and ancillary parts that needed to be removed. On one occasion, I nearly blew my head off when I removed the A/C hose. 

Fortunately, the pressurized Freon only singed all of the hair off of my arms and face.  I looked pretty funny for a while without any eyebrows and an unnatural receding hairline.

I finally got all of the parts dismantled, carefully placing them on a shelf that rimmed around my one-car garage. After having the engine rebuilt, I began the re-assembly process.

I’ll still never forget the sense of horror, as the entire shelving collapsed as I put a little too much pressure on it trying to retrieve the first part I needed. I had parts strewn everywhere — a jumbled mess. 

By the time I finished re-assembling the engine, I had leftover brackets, bolts, nuts, screws, and other parts that I had no idea where they might go.

Needless to say, the engine would not start, even though I cranked it over and over.  So much so, that I eventually destroyed the newly rebuilt engine. I finally, had to have the car towed to a mechanic friend’s house who rebuilt it for half price, which still cost me twice as much than if I would have just had a professional do the job in the first place.

When it comes to dealing with a porn and sex addiction, we are mistaken if we think we can just read a book to rebuild our life.

We need a team of people who can expertly help rebuild the brokenness, and then re-assemble all of the parts, so that they work properly.

“I’ve Got This” Syndrome

Knowing that we need help doesn’t mean that we will get help.  There is something in us that desires independence.

When my granddaughter was learning to swim in our pool, we were teaching her to kick while we held her on a kickboard.  Immediately, she cried out that she wanted to do it on her own:  “I can do it, I can do it…”

When I let go, she flipped over and began to sink as she flailed in violent fear.  After rescuing her, she had no problem letting me help her.  More importantly, she trusted that I knew what I was doing in helping her to learn to swim.

  • Sometimes, we can be afraid of asking for help because we were let down when we reached out for help in the past.
  • Sometimes, we just think we are smarter than everyone else.

It’s normal to think we should be able to handle our problems on our own.  Unfortunately, when we flip off of our self-sufficiency support system, there is no one there to rescue us. How many times have you said:

“This is the last time I am going to act out”
“I’m really going to make a change this time”
“I’ve got this”

Well, you may have all of the parts of your life strewn all over in disarray without a clue as to how to get it all healed, and put it all back together, whole.  Maybe it’s time to ask for some help.

Help That Is Helpful

There are several levels of help that can assist you in your endeavor to find freedom, wholeness, and wellbeing for your life.

  • Support Groups like SAA, SA, or other specific support groups that focus on sexual addiction can be helpful to the process of recovery, but takes a long time to see substantial change and transformation.

  • Individual counseling with a specialized sex addiction coach or counselor can be very helpful in the process of working through trauma issues contributing to compulsive behavior, as well as developing effective strategies for emotional, relational, and behavioral transformation.
  • Weekend workshops can be helpful to get better awareness, and some additional motivation to begin the journey of restoration, but lack individualized treatment planning and care.
  • Inpatient treatment can be helpful to jumpstart the recovery process, but it is very expensive, and you will still have to do continuing work in individual therapy and groups after you complete the program.
  • An online program that offers a specific plan and process can be the best alternative for those who seek a “fast track” for treating sexual addiction.  A good online program will offer practical curriculum, individualized coaching, caring spouse support, and safe support groups.

Whatever way you decide to get help, the most important part of your journey is in just getting help.  Don’t wait until the shelf collapses, or you flip on your kick board, to get help. Get the right help today!

Let us know if this blog encouraged you in any way.  We love to hear your testimonies of how we were able to help you along your journey.

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